When you are young, people overlook you. They protect you, because you’re incapable of protecting yourself.
Whatever you say is taken with a grain of salt. It angers you, because you know this, even at your young age.
I know I would constantly find myself telling myself that they would regret it. Even though I hardly remember thinking that, I know I did think it often.

"One day, you will be strong" was the line used in books and movies. People will look to you for leadership and strength.

As that day approaches, or perhaps has already broke, you find several things out. People don’t always take you seriously, even if you are big and strong; and when they do, you might not be ready for it, you might not want to lead. Life is scary, and being strong, you realize you are not that strong, and neither is anyone else. That makes you all the stronger though, so embrace this strength, because if you don’t someone else will.

One day, you will be strong.

Have you ever felt as if you didn’t belong?
I feel like I never have. I’ve always kind of felt estranged.

Have you ever felt as if you’re stuck in your own little world, and when you get a glimpse of someone else and their world, it makes you start to question your own.

It’s kind of odd. How you preoccupy yourself with such small things. You chase after people as if they meant the world, but it’s just all infatuation.
You get so caught up in your small pointless games that you often forget about yourself and the greater picture.

You forget that other people exist, and that the life you want to have is actually much closer — but you’ve driven yourself away from it. Why? I don’t know. Personality maybe.

It’s just so much easier not to care. To only worry about yourself.

Why should you care for anyone else? It’s so much work — you end up some wild goose chase, and most of the time you end up hurt, or wasting time.

Being lonely is okay,

There’s nothing wrong with it.

If you like it, that’s awesome, but I don’t.

I don’t like being lonely, and I feel like that alone is enough justification to lust for something more.

It’s hard though. To find something that is satisfactory.

I was thinking about what you said… and yeah, my standards are high. Who’s aren’t?

It’s not bad that they’re high — but it isn’t always good.

It’s kind of funny how different people are. from each other. They come from all walks of life, and they all have a different outlook on everything. It’s almost baffling at times. You can believe the sky to be blue, but someone will argue that’s it’s red.

I don’t know it’s easier not to care.
If I care, I end up stressing myself out.

— David Nicholls (via dezijne)

(Source: splitterherzen)

I know it started out with me being jealous.
I was the 2nd choice, and It bothered me.

That’s what probably motivated me to do what I did. That and I also rejected your criticism — I’m not extra sensitive, you’re just as sensitive, I do a poor job of hiding my emotions though.

It confused me why you treated me like you did, and when I found out it angered me. I was angry too cause you were ignoring me, and it felt as if everyone turned their back on me simultaneously.

But I tried to get past it, and now that things are back to “normal” I feel weak for taking you all back. I don’t feel like I really get much in return out of being friends with you. It was too much for you to just take care of me drunk — yeah, it’s annoying, but it says a lot at the same time.

I went into this saying that as long I enjoyed myself, that I wouldn’t regret it. There is some truth to that — but that’s not entirely true.

I’d be lying to say I’m not angry: at everyone. I may have deserved it. I don’t know. I know it’s not entirely your fault though.
While this went on though, I decided that I shouldn’t be jealous. And to a large extent, I think I learned not to give a shit.
I’m angry because you tried to hurt me — and you succeeded. you asked me to edit your essays and then didn’t invite me to celebrate. I would think of you, and you would insult me upon my gifts. Those is probably one of the biggest strikes against you. And you told everyone, except me.

I don’t know about the way I feel about you, but I’m pretty sure I really want to maintain the status quo of where we’re at — perhaps not forever, but for now…

Half the time you’ve know me, you’ve spent it angry at me. Those 6 months have helped shape the relationship, and it feels awkward to act as if it didn’t happen. I find myself distrustful of you, and I wouldn’t blame you if you felt the same. Upon knowig this you might also be angry — I would be. I don’t blame you.

You had every right to be angry. I accept responsibility for my actions, I have no excuse. But I can’t ignore how I feel about you either.

I don’t know where this is going, but I’m pretty cynical about it.












I will never not reblog this

holy shit








really makes you think

I’m here if anyone wants to talk about anything
Stay strong <3

What is it called when you don’t feel happy, sad, angry, excited, lonely, or anything at all.

I’m irritable — but not angry. I don’t know what it is that I’m feeling. I want to say I’m kind of sad and lonely — because that how I felt earlier today.
But now…. now, I don’t know what this is.

One of my friends today wanted to go talk to her significant other, and she didn’t have a car, so I ended up taking her halfway across town: there and back.
She was a mess the entire time. It ended pretty badly. I didn’t feel anything though. I didn’t feel sorry for her. I didn’t even comfort her much.
I just said a few cynical things — which in retrospect aggravated the situation. I’m kind of sorry I would take that particular time to be that way, to be selfish, but I don’t know why I didn’t empathize.

I don’t feel like I have emotions at the moments.
I might be too tired to care. I don’t know. I’m upset with people. I really out in a whole-hearted effort many times… but I know it often goes unnoticed.

I don’t feel as if I really have any friends, the ones I have are kind there for me.

I once again lack the ability to expand into any depth, mostly because I don’t feel anything at the moment. I keep expecting for this wave of sadness to hit me, but it’s not there. I don’t feel anything.

I suppose that isn’t a bad thing though.

I think I’m going to sleep. Things will probably go back to being crazy tomorrow.


I have not stopped laughing

Fly Me To The Moon
By larrygerbrandt

I’m bracing myself for the other shoe to drop.
Today went surprisingly well — except my dieting — that went out the window.

I’m not sure if it’s the outlook I have that changed it, or if things went well.

If it is my outlook, it will surely change again later. I don’t know when.

On the other hand, things are getting tougher and tougher to handle.
I can’t have it all. I need to keep my distance. It feels weird to have a good day, and I feel I should keep my guard up and stay weary — or I’ll get hurt. That’s kind of a sad statement, but it’s how I feel.
I can’t let one day fool me into thinking that someone I initially thought didn’t give a rats ass actually does.
But I don’t know. I’m bracing myself.

Aside from that — things might be progressing with this friendship I have. And it’s hard to control my emotions, but I have to — I should have never let it get this far.

For the best. I don’t know what is happening. I don’t know if things are changing. I kind of miss being able to be cynical, because that way I at least knew what I was up against.

But at the same time: what I want more than anything else…. Is to be happy.
And if I get that, then there isn’t much to complain about.